HHHEEEAAATTTTTTT

Sunday 19th December. I woke up sick. I thought I had some sort of flu virus thing and instead of thinking "Oooh no but it's Christmas :(" I thought "Shit. Heat." Priorities. But after a while I was fine so I just must have been hungry or something. Then in the evening I felt vommy again. Why I am telling you about my health problems in short sentences, I hear you ask? Because I realised that the reason I felt so sick was because I felt so nervous and shit scared about going to Heat. Yes really. For a whole sodding year I was counting down the days with excitement, and now I didn't want to go at all. What if they don't like me? What if I said or did something stupid? What if I don't like them? etc etc. It even got to the point where I willed it to snow by the bucket load that night so I had an excuse to cancel it. I KNOW! Slap my wrists or sit me in the corner, but it was that bad. I was a paranoid wreck.

Monday 20th December
Didn't really sleep much. Mum flew open my door at 7.15am saying her friend Heather had text her saying that trains into London were delayed and there were severe delays on the Central Line. I took to Twitter moaning and stropping about this but got replies of "You can do it!" and "It's not that bad, honestly. I'm here." and "You've waited a year, and they'll remember you for fighting your way." Cor, motivation or what. So I donned my shorts and inappropriate snow footwear, packed my bag and was on the way to the station at 9am. I had to be there between 10am and 10.30am, and it takes around 45mins so I'd be fine. Haha. Lol. Yeah. Fine...

The following passages include a change in tense. Prepare.

Hello ticket queue snaking your way out of the station hahahacrycryCRY! Oh my travelcard is £15 not £10? Ah the train doors on Platform 2 are jammed shut because of the ice. Thought bad things were only meant to happen in threes? Look another train on Platform 1! It's only half an hour late. It's 9.30am so I should still be there in time. No I'm sorry love there's no room he...oh you're still getting on, yes that's my foot,  well I told you there weren't any seats, right okay yes stand there then. Fine. Thank fuck we're moving, or are we? We're going so slowly I CAN'T BLOODY TELL.
Someone's leaning their bag against my leg. Actually I think they're leaning against my leg. *forgets* 5mins later... My leg feels numb, you know when you put pressure on something and then you can't feel anything? A bit like that. Few minutes later... Oh my God. There is no bag and no person leaning and no numb leg. The man next to me is squeezing my leg and moving up my shorts. Shit shit shit. He's rubbing my leg. He's touching my arse and moving closer. What the hell can I do? I can't do anything. I can't move. I can't say anything because no one else can move. I don't want to cause a massive fuss. He could have a knife or something. We're nearly at Stratford, and if people get out at Stratford I can go and stand somewhere else, it'll be fine. Just stand it out Louise and think about something else. You'll be at Heat soon! All of this will be forgotten about. You'll look back and laugh! He's squeezing my thigh so hard, does he actually get off on this? STRATFORD! Never been so happy to see a construction site. Pervy man's getting off! He's staring at me. GIVE HIM EVILS LOUISE. Yeah that's right, get off this train and go die in a hole. I WIN. He's still staring at me on the platform. Wtf. He's walked past 3 times. No love I'm not getting off. Shit what if he gets back on? He is! Oh no he's not. What if he follows me all the way? Omg. I'm moving.
9.55am. London. About time an' all. Plus only minor delays on the Central Line now, there is a God! Tube's a bit busy but I've got a space and a pole to hold on to. Right. Good. Not good. Tube's stopped. "I'm sorry to inform you ladies and gentlemen that the train in front is defected, so we'll have to stay here at St Paul's for about 5 minutes until it's sorted." LOLZZZZ AS SOON AS I GET ON IT GOES WRONG! HILARIOUS! *rocks on the tube floor, sobs.* WE'RE MOVING AGAIN! That was only a couple of minutes. Oh Louise and you're exaggerating, you're so pessimistic! And you have a right to be. We've stopped again at Chancery Lane. 10 minutes later... "Hello this is the driver again *sigh* I really wish I could tell you more, but we just have to wait until the train in front is fixed again..." So many people are getting off. The train's empty. I have no bloody clue where Chancery Lane is though, I can't get off. Well at least I have a seat. 10.25am. I'm gonna be late. Lovely.
OXFORD STREET! Look at you with your pretty lights and busy people. I know where I'm going because I google mapped it. Just need to phone mum to let her know I'm here..."Hello it's me. I'm on Oxford St. Yeah the trains were mental it was horrible. No but they'll understand. Well now I'm walki...shit. No I. Wait. I don't know. I have no idea where I am! I thought I knew. I just kept walking but I don't know. Erm...Oxford St. I don't know mum! Okay. Hurry though :(" Well well well. Lost was I? Indeed. I'll tell Twitter, they might know. If I stay here by Dean Street I'll be fine. "Hello. Yeah I'm on Dean Street. No I'm not crying. Well it must be on Google maps. Yeah a road off Oxford Street. Okay good, so I can I get to Shaftesbury Avenue from here? Thank God. Don't go, stay on the phone until I know where I am..."
10.45am. Endeavour House. AKA Heat Towers.

TENSE CHANGE. I like to keep you on your toes.

I couldn't sign in. My hands were so red raw and cold from having no gloves on that I physically couldn't grip the pen. I didn't realise how cold I actually was because I'd been in such a state getting there, and it wasn't until I was in Bauer reception, sitting down and getting myself together before Giselle came that I properly looked at myself shivering and shaking. "Louise! Jesus Christ you're freezing, are you okay?! I read about your journey nightmare..." The power of Twitter. I kept on apologising for being late, I thought I'd get told off. But I went a bit :O and :| and ooohhhhh when I went into the Heat office. I instantly recognised a few people and they seemed to recognise me. Lucie, David and Boyd came over to say hello, and Boyd even said I was famous. Lol. That's literally what I did. Just lol and say "FAMOUS?!" in a proper Essexy way. Oh the shame. Didn't really have time to register I was finally at Heat at an actual desk, because Lucie wanted me to go to their meeting...thing! Where they talk about their next issue. This is when I realised that the Heat lot are effing HILARIOUS. I couldn't stop laughing at their banter, jokes and swearing in like every sentence. It was AMAZING. I met Jen (love Jen, best lesbian evahhhh) and Sam (who I concluded was the second funniest person in the office after David), the was editor of Heat.
Now instead of boring you with every single detail of what I did. I shall bullet point, because let's be honest I've written shit loads and it's only Monday and I can't be arsed as much as you can't be arsed.
I WROTE FOR THEIR WEBSITE! They actually let me research and write 3 articles for the website. Actual amaze. ACTUALACTUALACTUAL.

That's pretty much all I did all day. Lovely one bullet point. Apart from meeting the other workie, 20yo Beth, and going out for lunch with her. Pretty chilled first day. Well apart  from not getting home until 9pm after more cancelled trains and dinner with Heather, who saved me.

Tuesday 21st December
Tuesday could not have been worse than Monday, and it wasn't. It was a million times better. Only a short train delay getting into London but I was there at 10am. A whole hour earlier than the day before. Result. Sorted the post out with Beth first, which I strangely enjoyed and was sad when there was nothing left in the post bag. I'm a Virgo, so I like sorting things out and organising stuff. Then we had to log Karen's review things. All the books and DVDs and  CDs she gets sent we had to log on a document. I love Karen. She got me my work exp placement in the first place so I ultimately owe this blog to her. I'm also very jealous of her job at Heat. Reading books, watching films, watching TV shows, listening to new music, and then writing a review on them. Plus interviewing loads of music celebs and going to a gazillion concerts. Er, YES PLEASE.
After, me and Beth (who became a team and ended up doing everything together) were set a mission to find red ribbon and red gift tags on Oxford St for presents. So armed with a credit card and strict instructions, we fought our way through crowds and queues and bought those red gift tags and red ribbon, then had McDonald's as a reward. I will never tire of their santa boot shaped nuggets. Back at Heat we were then introcued to the fashion cupboard, which Beth took an obsessive liking to (me and fashion don't mix. Beth was dressed in the trends of the season with perfect hair and make up) and wrapped these books. It was very therapeutic.

I was even home in time for dinner.

Wednesday 22nd December
La journey etait PARFAIT. That may be right but I don't do French anymore so my froggie legs have gone and something something french toast something snails something. No but seriously I was in at 9.45am with Beth, we met at Tottenham Court Road and went in together. Post, logging, tidying up, wrote some fake Week In Pictures things, gave our opinions on celebs/style/the mag in general for Lucie. Oh and we got make up bags from House of Fraser. SCORE.

Thursday 23rd December
And lo, my week (3½ days) at Heat was coming to an end. But what a last day it was. After sorting the mag archive thing out and going to Topshop for Giselle, we were given babycham and told to basically piss about and wait for the Heat Awards. WELL IF YOU INSIST. Was sitting opposite David who had a megaphone and kept saying "Christmas" through it. Why I found this so hilarious is beyond me, but I did and it kept me entertained. Boyd gave me Grace Dent's new book and some DVDs and we got MORE make up from Giselle! Like Christmas come early. PRESENTS.

I gave Lucie and Karen thank you cards, cos I'm well nice innit (and a soppy cow), and laughed solidly for an hour during the Heat Awards. At 1pm I did the rounds saying goodbye, sob, and made my way home with a McDonald's. It was a bloody ACE week and almost surreal to be in the actual Heat office with the actual people that make the actual magazine with their actual genius minds. I was sharing genius space and genius air.  I was proud of myself too, I went from a paranoid omgwtfhelp self concious wimp, to someone who was chatty and confident and having an amazing time. I like the latter Louise.

Roll on Heat 2011. Oh yes. I'm going back... X