Desperate STEPS for Louise

I lasted a month being an adult. 'being' is the perfect word. 'living' would have been a lie. I went to a party! An 18th! My ID got rejected! Life just doesn't want me to be an adult, and this week, whoever controls this whole shabang and kerfuffle threw another element in to pull me back to being about 6 years old.

I remember first watching Steps' Chain Reaction video on TV (I was gonna say youtube, but youtube was barely a sperm in someone's brain 10 years ago) and thought it was so futuristic with its white set and blue shiny suits. I listened to Buzz on a loop on my CD walkman, and treated it like a newborn baby so it didn't get scratched. Spent all my mum and dad's money on AA batteries for the bloody thing. When I first got my CD player for my bedroom, I put Gold on, not realising I'd whacked up the volume to maximum and Tragedy blared out so loudly my 3 year old brother burst into tears and the dog down the next road wouldn't shut up for hours. Steps was my first addiction and love. Their songs were the first I danced to at birthday discos in little church halls. Their music just hit a chord deep within my heart that sent sparks around my body, and my eyes saw the world so differently and I FELT FREE!!!!!!!!!!.......too far?

There will be a constant rivalry in me between Steps and S Club 7. S Club 7 had it all. They had TV shows ffs. Steps didn't have TV shows. Not to mention the FILM, which I couldn't see because I wasn't 12 yet...and still haven't seen because I feel like I'm illegalising (i'm so good at making up words. that needs to be a legitimate word) my childhood. I will never see Seeing Double. My dad used to work in the City and me, clearly having no knowledge of the largeness of London, badgered him every morning to find the Top Of The Pops studios and get me tickets so I could see my favourite band. That obviously never happened and I will never forgive him. The grudge is buried deep within my soul.

But I did see them once. 10 years ago next month actually. Along with my twin friends, our mums bravely took us up to London to see them switch on the Oxford Street Christmas lights. The best part was that it was a tight secret, and we only found out because a lady in McDonald's asked if that was why we were up there. Stupid woman. They sang Have You Ever and I sat on a stranger's shoulders clasping my Betty Spaghetti so tightly and I might have even cried. Possibly from the cold wind up there (it was a long way up on his shoulders for an 8 year old alright).

But that's the only time I ever saw them. Strangely, it didn't seem to matter too much to me. Well, apart from the TOTP thing BECAUSE THAT WAS SO EASY FOR MY DAD TO DO, WASN'T IT? HMM? HHHMMMMM????? Ahem. I didn't need to go to every gig to be their biggest fan. In my little mind, under my awful fringe, I was the biggest fan of them all and Rachel was going to ask me to be bridesmaid at her wedding. Jo lived round the corner from my Nan and Grandad's house and you could see her bedroom from their back window. I was a stalker from the age of 6. Not much has changed really. 

I still have their posters, and all the CDs. Probably some of the fan club stuff as well. All of Steps' and S Club 7's albums are on my iPod and are highly likely the most played. THEY JUST MAKE ME HAPPY ALRIGHT? My 6 year old self was first stirred, and had a bit of a twitch in me like a foetus, on 30th April of this year. Lee Latchford-Evans, from Steps, THE Steps, was in Brentwood selling...er...something. Details details. I was there, of course, and there he was indeed. Standing outside Zakz. On his own. No one paying him any attention. I froze, obviously, as per, so mum walked straight into the shop. I shuffled behind her, clinging to her jacket, and we pretend to be incredibly interested in the sports wear he was promoting. We were very sporty that day. 

Lee Latchford-Evans tapped me on the shoulder. TAPPED ME ON THE BLOODY SHOULDER. MY RIGHT SHOULDER. We spoke for a good five minutes about sport and fitness, and I miraculously managed to hold this conversation by bullshitting more than I do in most exams. He told me to feel the texture of his top. Now that was just WRONG.  6 year old Louise loved the music, not the looks, but good God maybe Freud was right and children do have a sexual sense in them. Oosh. Mum asked him there and then if Steps were planning on reforming. "The band are all talking. We're all friends! Never say never." was his response, I assume. I was too busy gngngngngngnging, but apparently that's what he said. I blagged myself a photo and I find it hilarious how I'm clenching my fist in emotion. 

That's me and Lee. Louise and Lee. Lee and Louise. Leeise. Louee. 

It was only the next month that Steps: The Reunion was announced. That cheeky sod. He knew all along. So obviously by the time September came around, my childhood was under my skin and itching to get out. The episodes have been incredible. I've realised that H is Welsh, which is probably why I loved him the most, and why I love the Welsh accent now, and that Lisa is a bitch and can't sing. Faye is adorable, Lee is lovely, and Claire has got a mighty set of lungs on her and deserved all of those main vocals. Steps have a personality now for me, not just cheesy pop hits that I fell in love with. 

AND NOW THEY'VE REFORMED AND ARE GOING BACK ON TOUR. Srsly, guys, Steps. On tour. In an arena. Singing old hits. THIS IS LITERALLY MY DREAM COME TRUE. Fate just wants me to see them obv. FATE SOUNDS LIKE FAYE. SEE, I BLOODY TOLD YOU. NO I DON'T APOLOGISE FOR SHOUTING.

Only problem is that I don't have tickets. Just a slight glitch in this glorious story of mine. I want to be right at the front of the O2 arena when they're singing Better Best Forgotten and Stomp. I want to scream and clap and jump and wear fluffy glittery Steps merchandise on my head. I want to lose my voice from singing along. But I don't have tickets. This is my plea. I don't know who's gonna read this. I haven't got a bloody clue who reads my blog anymore. But if anyone here is involved in any way possible with Steps, I'd give my SOUL for 2 front row tickets (if I can't get front row then you're not having my soul but I'm sure we could come to some arrangement). I'll pay. I'm willing to pay the full price for 2 tickets. I'll write a massive blog about it. I'll write for your website. I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. Please. Anyone. *sits on stage a la Katie Waissel* I'M JUST A DESPERATE 18 YEAR OLD WHO HAS NO SHAME AND WANTS TO RELIVE HER CHILDHOOD ONE LAST TIME.

It'll be a Tragedy if I can't go. I'll be a Deeper Shade Of Blue and my face will definitely One For Sorrow. I'll  Stomp forevermore, be Better The Devil You Know, and the whole incident will be Better Best Forgotten, but Love's Got A Hold On My Heart. Not going is the Last Thing On My Mind and I don't want to be the Baby Don't(not) Dance(ing). It's The Way You Make Me Feel, a Chain Reaction of childhood dreams when I was 5, 6, 7, 8, and it'll be an amazing start to a Summer Of Love. My Heartbeat will be erratic, Only In My Dreams have I thought this could happen, as When I Said Goodbye, After The Love Has(had) Gone, I thought that was it. Here And Now is when I can see them, and tickets oh please Say You'll Be Mine. Words Are Not Enough to describe my love and want. 

Now THAT'S gotta get me tickets, right?

Lots of love, your favourite teenager, Louise. xoxoxox